never-to-send letter

Dear H,

I haven't got a clue as to why you're on my mind lately. Is it because of your text the day before aidilfitri? Something about it seemed much more personal than the general wish that one sends to everybody. I don't know whether I should have given a personal reply as well. Instead, I gave you a reply of the 'general wish' that I've sent to everyone else. And now I'm beginning to wonder whether I've done the right thing. I had just realized that I had the opportunity to make things right between us and I basically threw it out the window. I have so many questions for you. Why did you suddenly contacted me a few months ago after months of no communication? Did you think that everything was going to go back to what it was before 'that' happened? I cannot imagine how you could think that? Are you so naive or that confident of yourself that you thought I would just allow you to be who you used to mean to me? I believe that I did asked you once and you failed to provide me with an adequate answer, heck it wasn't even intelligible. I guess that call was sort of a closure for us, that we are to stay friends. The thing is, I'm not sure if staying friends is a managable task for us. Did you ever think that maybe the reason that it didn't end well for us is because we were never really friends in the true sense of the word. You made your intentions quite clear in the beginning, that you didn't want me to be just your friend. So I guess I'm the person at fault here for I didn't make my aim quite as bold as you. Maybe that was due to the fact that I myself didn't know what it was. Retrospectively, I feel that our story would have a better ending if we had built a sturdier friendship. I don't know about you but that's my opinion. I also wonder as to why you stayed unattached after I left. I bet you have many admirers over there that you could have just involve yourself with one just to spite me I guess. But to my surprise I have to admit, you did no such thing. That intrigued me enough to ask my friends about it. You know which ones I'm talking about. And this is what they'd come up with: you're still hoping; and I can't comprehend that, you see. I have not the slightest idea as to why you're still clinging to the notion of us being together when you did nothing to repair the damage. The ball was in your court, and you did not act. To me, you had made your decision so I walked away. You, not me who walked away first. Don't you realize that? I guess I have my answer on that question. By the way, I meant each word that I sent in that text. I just want us to be friends and for me to leave on a good note between us.

"Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for a while, leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never, ever the same." ~ Flavia Weedn