the million dollar questions

Sometimes i wonder why i'm even doing this? Why did ever choose to study abroad? Why would i want to put myself through the stress and everything? I feel like i'm always pushing myself to do better; to just hear my mom say "i'm proud of you". I know she is but i've never actually hear her say it. I've heard people tell me that she talks about me to them and they would say "your mom is very proud of you. you should know she tells us stories about you, i feel like i know you already" I wonder why she never says it to my face. maybe that's just her way of pushing me to do more. Maybe. Let's review, shall we?

Situation #1
After i checked out my results of my first semester, i quickly IM my mom and informed her about it. Okay, i didn't get all As but at least i got an A+ for English and A- for Biology. Plus, my Sociology grade wasn't what i thought it would be, thank you Allah! It wasn't an A or A-, but it's pretty close. The only subject that i was really disappointed with was Calculus. It was the same grade as socio. So then, with my heart beat skyrocketing, i calculated my GPA. It was such a relief to know that i made the cut off point! I told her about it, and do you want to know what she said? "Are you sure the Dean's list is 3.5 and above?, i thought it's 3.75?" Yep, that's what i got. Oh yeah and this "How come your Calculus is so bad? What happened to your Maths?" Get what my point?

I know she loves me. But, she expects a lot from me. And the thing is, I expect a lot from me too! I work my butt of that sometimes i just want to stop and just chill for a second. I get the fact that she wants me to have the things she didn't have when she was my age. So back to my previous question, why do i have to push myself so hard? who do i need to prove myself to? Actually, i already know the answer (it's not so much to her, btw); i'm not ready to admit it just yet.

"All work and no play makes a man grumpy all day"